Heartbreaking Disappointment

Disappointment-the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.

Have you ever had a disappointment in your life? It could have been a failed relationship, a job loss or even a death. We have all faced a disappointment at some time in our life.

 

I fully expected to be pregnant at my God's Leading Ladies graduation. I found out around the middle of the program I was pregnant. Even unplanned pregnancies are joyous. I was excited to know that I would have a watermelon I mean baby bump at graduation. I had thoughts of walking to the stage with a good size belly and taking pictures with a baby bump. Knowing I had a little human growing inside me was exciting.

My pregnancy with my son Zechariah was smooth sailing. Morning sickness nope, complications nope. It was an exceptionally uneventful pregnancy. Well almost, he did decide to come 3 weeks early.

One day Z (as we call him) pointed at my belly and said baby sister. It was too early in the pregnancy for us to find out what we were having and I just knew my little boy was a prophet. The day came when we went to the doctor to find out and he quickly said it’s a boy. Wha? Since he didn't print an ultrasound picture to prove it with the little arrow pointing to his goods, you know what I mean...lol, I just knew he was mistaken.

My husband can attest that I am not a patient person but that's a whole other post. Anyway I just had to find out for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt ya feel me? So I made an appointment to one of those Ultra Sound places that reveal the gender. We were so excited! Much to our surprise they said it was a boy also! Wha? We were good though. Our only concern was a healthy baby.

August 26th, 2014 was one of the scariest days of my life. I woke up during the night to use the restroom and there was blood, lots and lots of blood. My husband took me to the emergency room where the ER dr. pretty much thought I had a miscarriage because I was still bleeding so much. After an ultra sound confirmed the baby was ok they realized I had bleeding near my placenta and my cervix was also shortening. Both could cause me to go into early labor so I was put on bed rest. My husband and I prayed and believed everything would be ok.

I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to attend the GLL graduation. I decided to go ahead and get a dress just in case I could attend. I found a dress that fit perfectly over my baby bump and accentuated it just perfectly. I was so excited….

Then September 10^th came and my stomach started hurting. Not a normal hurt though. It was different. I told my husband something didn’t seem right so we went to the emergency room. Sadly the stomach pain turned into full blown labor at 21 weeks. I delivered Joshua Caleb Harrington at 8:13 pm. He was 1lb 2oz and almost a foot long.  The Dr. said since he was not at least 23 weeks they could not save him. He looked perfect, he had a heartbeat but they could not save him. I don’t know why this happened. I do trust God because he is sovereign. But I am human and I was disappointed, sad, hurt you name it and I felt that emotion. My husband and I prayed that everything would be ok and we would have a healthy boy but we didn’t.  

Have you ever prayed for God to do something and the very opposite ended up happening?

 

Even in our disappointments, our hurt and our pain we must know that God is for us. We must trust him even when we don’t have all the answers. He knows all and we do not. I promise his ways are far better than ours.

Romans 8:28 We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

Throwing Stones

Let's uplift one antoher not throw stones at each other!

Why Did You Do That?

Why did you fold the paper that way? Why did you answer the phone like that? Why did you wear that? Why did you say that? Why...Why...Why? Have you ever felt this way about other women you are around in your daily life whether it be family, friend, co-worker or fellow church member? I can't lie I have. So many times if we are honest with ourself we feel this way. If it's not the way we would do it then it must be wrong, right? We really should allow people to be them selves. Thank God we are not all the same. I mean how boring would that be? We are all unique and do things different and we must learn to embrace that. Your way may not be my way but if it works for you that is Great! I love the fact we do things differently and who knows maybe I can learn a thing or two from you!

P.S. This could apply to marriage as well right honey !

I Am So Uncomfortable!!

Have you ever been in a position that makes you uncomfortable? It's like a little weight gain and your pants are too tight. You have two options. Buy new pants or do the work it takes to fit into your pants. The easy option is to go buy new pants. But do you really want to conform to the uncomfortable until that is comfortable? Or do you want to take charge and change yourself? Changing your circumstances or situation is not always easy. Sometimes we do not always understand what is going on but we must trust GOD.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

It's been a loooong time. I gotta get back in the swing of things! I will be posting on here so stay tuned!!

PRAISE!
LORD I praise you. You are KING of Kings and LORD of Lords and I praise you. I have physical ailments that have not been healed but I praise you. I have dreams not fulfilled but I praise you. I need money that I don't have but I praise you. I have family that is not saved but I praise you. I sometimes have negative thoughts in my head but I praise you. I live in a world filled with sin but I praise you. I can not sing but I lift up my voice to you. I have relationships that need healing but I praise you. This life I live is not about me but about YOU and I praise you. The dreams I have are not about me but about YOU and I praise you. I can not see what tomorrow or next week or next month or next year will be like but I praise you. I don't know what joy, pain or suffering is headed my way but I praise you. I don't know if I will travel down low valleys or high mountains but I praise you. I praise you on my good days and I praise you on my bad days. I praise you this day!

Introducing Judah

These are old pictures he is 11 months old now and weighs @ 50 lbs. He's my baby.

IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!

Today is my 9th wedding Anniversary. Wow time has flown by so fast. I meet my husband in college in 1996. We were both wild and out of control at the time. We were drinking, smoking (not cigarettes) and doing the do. I never thought I would get married let alone to this guy. I thought he was a college fling even though I loved him. We lived 2.5 hours away from each other when we moved back home after college. Some crazy things happened to us from 1996 to 1998 such as cheating and I thought we were done for good. But GOD had other plans for us. GOD saved us and delivered us from our mess in Nov 1998 and on Jan 23rd, 1999 my husband and I got married. It was a small and inexpensive wedding but that doesn't matter. What matters is that we are still married and we love each other more today than we did back then. And we continue to put GOD first in our marriage. I am so thankful to GOD that he gave me such a wonderful GOD fearing man. He is my GOD mate not just my soul mate.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SWEETIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now this is the Living Bible:

His name is Bill. He has wild hair, wears a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans, and no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for his entire four years of college.He is brilliant. Kind of profound and very, very bright. He became a Christian while attending college.Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative church. They want to develop a ministry to the students but are not sure how to go about it.One day Bill decides to go there. He walks in with no shoes, jeans, his T-shirt, and wild hair. The service has already started and so Bill starts down the aisle looking for a seat.The church is completely packed and he can't find a seat. By now, people are really looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one says anything.Bill gets closer and closer and closer to the pulpit, and when he realizes there are no seats, he just squats down right on the carpet.By now the people are really uptight, and the tension in the air is thick.About this time, the minister realizes that from way at the back of the church, a deacon is slowly making his way toward Bill.Now the deacon is in his eighties, has silver-gray hair, and a three-piece suit. A godly man, very elegant, very dignified, very courtly. He walks with a cane and, as he starts walking toward this boy, everyone is saying to themselves that you can't blame him for what he's going to do.How can you expect a man of his age and of his background to understand some college kid on the floor?It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy.The church is utterly silent except for the clicking of the man's cane. All eyes are focused on him. You can't even hear anyone breathing. The minister can't even preach the sermon until the deacon does what he has to do.And now they see this elderly man drop his cane on the floor. With great difficulty, he lowers himself and sits down next to Bill and worships with him so he won't be alone.Everyone chokes up with emotion.When the minister gains control, he says, "What I'm about to preach, you will never remember. What you have just seen, you will never forget."

"Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some people will ever read!"

ICE STORM 2007

Here are some pictures from the ice storm last Sunday. It started early Sunday and lasted until Monday. During the night Sunday the trees breaking off kept waking us up. It is crazy to see a tree that has been standing for years suddenly become weakened by the ice and break. It wasn't just flimsly limbs that broke but I saw some very large trees split down the middle. Here are a few pictures I took. It is really hard to explain the craziness this caused. There were roads blocked by fallen trees, cars damaged, houses damaged. The first few days it was very eery. It looked like we had a tornado come through.

These are trees behind our house.

Ice on our house.

Trees down in my MIL's neighborhood.






Down powerlines by my mil's house

This is blocking a road.

grass in our back yard

Grass in our back yard.

WINTER ICE STORM

It has been a crazy few days around here. The town I live in is completely without power. There are so many trees down in the streets and roads are blocked. It is crazy right now. Please keep us in your prayers. They said we could be with out power for 7-10 days. Driving last night to my MIL's was difficult. Trees all in the streets, power lines are down. It makes driving very difficult. I am at work right now. Thankfully there is power here. I pray they are able to restore power to everyone soon. I hope to be able to post pictures soon.

The Golden Compass- Kids and parents beware!!

Pass this on to everyone you know
This is a warning about an upcoming movie for children in December.It is called The Golden Compass and it stars Nicole Kidman. They are going to advertise it as a normal children's movie but in the end it is trying to teach children that there is no God. It is based off of a trilogy of children's books and the author is an atheist. They evidently do some strange things in the movie and at the very end a girl and boy are supposed to be depicting Adam and Eve and then they kill God. They are trying to be very mild about it through the movie until the end so a lot of parents won't even know that it is coming so I wanted to pass the information on to you before you decide to take your children to see this movie. Also, it will be promoting his books so you may want to become familiar with the authors name and the books that he writes!

If you want to read more info about it the website is:http://snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp I know that I was astonished that someone would make a movie like this and especially directed towards children!! I just wanted to pass the info along to you so you could warn your friends with children as well!

This message came from Steve.

Why oh Why?

I know not all women do this but some do. I am one of them and I for the life of me can't come up with a reasonable explanation as to why I do it. Why do I compare myself to other women. And I am not talking about famous women. Regular women I see. I just realized I did it this morning at the gym. I was at the gym this morning getting ready when I noticed another lady in there. I had not seen her before. She said she was on the treadmill but I don't remember seeing her on a treadmill. She had on a pair of black tight fitting pants. Not so tight it's nasty but they fit her good. It made her butt look round. Not too big but not small. Why did I think man I wish I had a butt like that. I don't really have a butt. I mean not one that fits good in pants. Then again I don't have large breasts and wish they were some what larger. So when I see women with larger breast I again compare myself. Or if I see someone with a cute hair cut I think man I wish my hair looked like that. I feel like I should not have this issue. I should be just fine with who I am and the way I look yet I always compare myself to others. Why am I still insecure. I was insecure in high school when I could not get a boyfriend but now that I am happily married why am I insecure? I am going to have to pray about this. I don't like it and I don't want to keep comparing myself to others. What about you do you compare yourself to others?

Sooo Tired!!!!!!!!!!

I started school in late August. I only have 2 classes. Intermediate Accting I and Business Statistics and Calculus. DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO DO CALCULUS!! I am serious. I need help. I have not had any type of algebra in 10 years and I am lost. I have my first test in it on Wednesday so we will see how that goes.

I work 40-45 hrs a week, I go to school everyday, I have homework everyday (including weekends), and we are trying to get more customers for our cleaning business we do on the side. We currently clean a couple of houses every other week and we just go a house to clean from a builder. It was just built and he needs it cleaned before the new owners move into it. Oh I also work out 3 times a week before work. I get up at 4 on those days.

I don't know how your working mothers do it. Thank goodness I don't have kids. I don't think I could do this if I did. Please keep me in your prayers, especially with my school. Both classes are hard and I am tired....

Anyway OU an OSU both won this weekend. Yea! I love football.

Hope you all have a great week.


I miss my baby so much!!! I love you SIXER!
(read below to see why I miss him)

IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON!!!

There is a house that always puts up these cups that makes pictures and sayings. It is really nice what she does. She does stuff for Christmas, Valentines day and other holidays.



YEA!! I AM SOOO GLAD IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON AGAIN!

Birthday

Monday was my birthday. However, my husband threw a surprise party for me at Chelino's on Saturday night. I have to say my husband is wonderful. (he is wonderful for more than the party) He managed to get my mother, sister, bil and niece and nephews down here. I have not seen them since @ Feb. It made me cry. Anyway here are a few pics from Sat night.

This is me standing in the back next to my niece in the blue, my mom, nephew and sister.

This is me with my bil and nephew.

This is me with my friends kid and my friends nieces.

This is me and my wonderful husband.

I had other friends there but I am not sure they would want there pictures posted on the net.

Not Easy

A couple of posts ago I mentioned that I had disobeyed GOD and had to suffer the consequences. It has been almost 3 months and it is still very hard to talk about. I know some that read this may judge me and think of me as a horrible person. Anyway I will just explain. Last June I made a decision to get Sixer and I felt in my spirit that it wasn't the right time for me to do that but I did it anyway. I did it out of selfishness. I always had a dog growing up and I really wanted a pug. Like I said I felt GOD telling me not to get him and I did it anyway. It has always been hard on me to leave him for hours while I went to work. I live to far away to go home at lunch and let him out so he stayed in his crate all day. That bothered me. Then we started a janitorial business and we clean after we got off our day job. Long story short we were leaving Sixer for over 14 hours a day with no bathroom breaks. We tried leaving him in the laundry room. We came home and he had scratched 2 holes in the walls. This really bothered me. Not because he put the holes in the wall but I felt like he was being neglected. I love Sixer with all of my heart but I felt like I could not provide the proper care for him. After much prayer I did what GOD told me to do. I found Sixer a new home. He now stays with a retired grandmother that is home all day and babysits her grandson. He loves children and now he gets to roam around all day and play. I will probably never see him again and that breaks my heart. But I did make sure he has a good safe home with lots of time to roam and play. Since I disobeyed GOD and got him I also had to give him up. Maybe one day I will be home more where I can give the proper care and attention that is needed.

Here are pictures from my last day with Sixer. One of the saddest days of my life.

Atheist Vs. Al Sharpton

I just watched a debate between an atheist and Al Sharpton. I must say I am disappointed in Al Shartpon if he is the one to defend GOD. To me he was generalizing GOD to be not only GOD the father of JESUS but Allah God and the Hindu GOD and all the other GOD's that other religions have. I have to be honest I don't know much about Mr. Sharpton but if he was supposed to be representing GOD the Father of Jesus he didn't do that well. To me I think everyone has a right to believe in what ever they want but I as a believer in Jesus can not also be a believer in the other Gods. He also did not defend the Scriptures in the bible that the Atheist was talking about. Sharpton kept saying we are here to debate the existence of GOD not the bible but to me you have to defend the bible as well. At the end they took questions and one atheist said to Mr. Sharpton if you can answer this I may change back to having faith, If GOD created the earth and all things in it then who created GOD? My question to those who will respond is how would you answer this question?

It's been a while

To be honest I have not felt like writing on my blog lately. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and have stuff I want to write about but actually doing it is hard to do. I have made a very tuff decision. One I sought GOD about and would like to post about it but I feel I would be judged for it. I made a decision a while ago that I did not seek GOD about and had to pay the consequences for it. So after seeking GOD about what to do next I had to do something painful to me but I could not disobey GOD. When I have the courage to post about it I will. Just know that it was a very hard thing for me to do. I know some of you will understand while others will not. That is if anyone reads this blog.

It is raining very hard here today. Actually flooding some streets and making them non-passable. I walked out of the gym this morning and into water that came up to my ankles. My feet were soaked. I had on flip flops so when I got to work I had to put on my shoes for work. So much for tyring to look cute.

I am going to try to post a least once a week. Hey that's a lot for me!! Maybe I will find the courage to post about my decision. I will try to post some picks this weekend. Anywhoo it's Friday and I am soo ready for it to be 4:30 already but I am sure my day will pass slowly!!