Heartbreaking Disappointment

Disappointment-the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.

Have you ever had a disappointment in your life? It could have been a failed relationship, a job loss or even a death. We have all faced a disappointment at some time in our life.

 

I fully expected to be pregnant at my God's Leading Ladies graduation. I found out around the middle of the program I was pregnant. Even unplanned pregnancies are joyous. I was excited to know that I would have a watermelon I mean baby bump at graduation. I had thoughts of walking to the stage with a good size belly and taking pictures with a baby bump. Knowing I had a little human growing inside me was exciting.

My pregnancy with my son Zechariah was smooth sailing. Morning sickness nope, complications nope. It was an exceptionally uneventful pregnancy. Well almost, he did decide to come 3 weeks early.

One day Z (as we call him) pointed at my belly and said baby sister. It was too early in the pregnancy for us to find out what we were having and I just knew my little boy was a prophet. The day came when we went to the doctor to find out and he quickly said it’s a boy. Wha? Since he didn't print an ultrasound picture to prove it with the little arrow pointing to his goods, you know what I mean...lol, I just knew he was mistaken.

My husband can attest that I am not a patient person but that's a whole other post. Anyway I just had to find out for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt ya feel me? So I made an appointment to one of those Ultra Sound places that reveal the gender. We were so excited! Much to our surprise they said it was a boy also! Wha? We were good though. Our only concern was a healthy baby.

August 26th, 2014 was one of the scariest days of my life. I woke up during the night to use the restroom and there was blood, lots and lots of blood. My husband took me to the emergency room where the ER dr. pretty much thought I had a miscarriage because I was still bleeding so much. After an ultra sound confirmed the baby was ok they realized I had bleeding near my placenta and my cervix was also shortening. Both could cause me to go into early labor so I was put on bed rest. My husband and I prayed and believed everything would be ok.

I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to attend the GLL graduation. I decided to go ahead and get a dress just in case I could attend. I found a dress that fit perfectly over my baby bump and accentuated it just perfectly. I was so excited….

Then September 10^th came and my stomach started hurting. Not a normal hurt though. It was different. I told my husband something didn’t seem right so we went to the emergency room. Sadly the stomach pain turned into full blown labor at 21 weeks. I delivered Joshua Caleb Harrington at 8:13 pm. He was 1lb 2oz and almost a foot long.  The Dr. said since he was not at least 23 weeks they could not save him. He looked perfect, he had a heartbeat but they could not save him. I don’t know why this happened. I do trust God because he is sovereign. But I am human and I was disappointed, sad, hurt you name it and I felt that emotion. My husband and I prayed that everything would be ok and we would have a healthy boy but we didn’t.  

Have you ever prayed for God to do something and the very opposite ended up happening?

 

Even in our disappointments, our hurt and our pain we must know that God is for us. We must trust him even when we don’t have all the answers. He knows all and we do not. I promise his ways are far better than ours.

Romans 8:28 We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.